not a good day

Walking around Schlachtensee

I feel particularly down today. My bike got broken on my way back and this month I do not have enough money to get it fixed. Bummer... I am mad at couple of people, including quite close ones. I finally got the drive to start my thesis but no body is helping me out... I read many PhD advises yesterday, and one of them is "work in a network". I just have to stop whining and take the lead, make my professor help me. Establish reading groups which share the same interest. I was such a lucky Master student, my second adviser helped me all the time, he was always there motivating. They warned me about this in Germany. You know I am not taking any classes. Here you can start to write your thesis immediately after masters. That's OK, I have a subject and a proposal, but you are so alone...Come on, I NEED and adviser who would motivate me. The things are getting harder the more I postpone dealing with them. My German is not improving fast, and my adviser talks to me in German, which makes everything harder - I thought I would be excelled in German by now, what a goof optimist I am!- I really feel like feeling sorry for my self and cry and cry and cry. 

My sister also did not get better, and the doctor said her situation might remain the same for a long long time. Bummer. I mean today a couple of bugs bit me and I was itching, scratching going crazy and I remembered her... That is what she had been going through for almost a week now. My poor little sister. 

Moreover my back did not let me practice yoga. Today I could have tried, but instead after a tiring and hopeless day, I just got home and curled up next to our cat and slept for 3 hours. Of course I feel more depressed now.

Sorry about this dark post. I feel so dark and everything is getting darker. Maybe I just passed to the dark side. Ouww

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