Need chocolate, a lot of chocolate

I have a rule, which I am about to break at the moment. I do not write here when I feel depressed, sad, or in a panic. I actually do not express myself in any public media when I feel like... Well, when I feel like I lost it. Because like happiness, being sad or depressed is like being drunk. You either exaggerate things happening around you or over look them.. But today, I just have to blurt it all out.

You know the questions, when something bad happens to you, you ask to yourself.:"what shall I learn from this?", "why is this happening to me?", "is it bad karma", "uh-oh did I do something wrong to deserve it?" I am tired of these question, so tired. I wore myself out. I am shaky, about to cry any moment, cannot concentrate on my yoga practice, cannot sleep regularly, have allergies, got a fine for a stupid reason, me being stupid in short, have to move out because of these (the photo) adorable cats -allergic to them . Ugh, it's just too much. And I am tired of telling my self this "everything is fine" mantra over and over again.

I was in the cafeteria, just ate half way of my extremely sweet cake, and was telling to my self, "everything is fi-" and the tears, unstoppable tears. Uh I must have looked like a lunatic. No, everything is not fine, I have to move out, I worry about my sister, worry about my academic future, worry about my not working lamp on my bike, worry about me worrying about myself... And feel really bad about worrying about these...

Guess just have to stop, or pause or whatever... It's OK, when everything is not fine.... It's just everything is not fine..

And above is the new haircut I gave myself couple of days ago.. Here here..