I would not like to call it soul searching or searching my purpose for the life, but I have had always curiosity towards the patterns of life. I always thought there was one right pattern and if I discovered that voila! all done, I will finally be happy and satisfied. So, I kept searching and searching and tried to get to the bottom of the objective truths, the best life style, the patterns of übermensch so that all will be great after these accomplishments. And now being a student of yoga for sometime and believer of alternative medicine and all, I learn to let go. Learning to let go to finally get the best life pattern after all. Oh boy what an illusion, right? And then two days ago, in my plane to Izmir, I read these lines: "There is no ritual or ceremony of formula for opening. The first obstacle is the question itself: "How?" If you do not question yourself, don't watch yourself, then you just do it. We do not consider how we are going to vomit: we just vomit."
If a sentence is half rational and half intuitive, it means that -at least that's what I have discovered so far- if you are not in the right state of mind and right state of soul you will not get the intended meaning. And when I read this sentence on this plane, I felt like somebody hit me on the face. If I read this one month ago it would mean nothing to me. But this, not asking the how and not observing yourself, and the enlightenment being as necessary as throwing up. At some point you just have to do it and you do it without questioning much, although probably up to that point you torture yourself enormously- and maybe you need not have- or maybe it just comes so easily.
Life and meaning are such complicated stuff. And the system we live in does not make it easy to find the authenticity in life by making everything comparable to putting labels such as "age", "weight", "money", "success", "education", "enlightenment" in every corner.
What I am really saying is... Being patient is hard. Accepting what you are and stopping to compare is hard. We never developed tools to see the little beauties in life and in universe, as we developed the tools to fly and build sky scrapers. Partly because women were never called for their opinions of earthly matters, and partly because evolution and survival required the competition. But now human race 5 billion and counting, another evolution is on its way. The authenticity... Oh beautiful authenticity..Above photos are from a year old trip to Müggelsee, and today I climbed the trees, fell when I was head standing on the soil, laughed and did not get disturbed when my loved ones talked unstoppably when I was watching the different shades of greens of the forest. I realised that if being in the present would only be watching the trees and feeling the wind without hearing the complaints it would not be as natural as throwing up. But then, if I am watching myself since I realise these things I am FAR from authenticity and all. Will there ever be a way to talk out of this rationally and with words? These things are curious things, don't you think?
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